My Progress

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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Tomorrow is Monday and time for a fresh start

This weekend has been full of food temptations and I have given in waaayyy too much.  I feel full and heavy.  Tomorrow morning I will weigh myself and tackle the week anew.  I am ready for this.  I am also a bit excited because I am taking my dear mother to the airport on Tuesday and she will be gone for almost a month!  If you have read my posts in the past you will know that my mom is a bit of a saboteur.  She doesnt see it that way in fact she does compliment me on my weight loss often.  She means well, its just that food=love to her.  It is a vicious cycle that I am trying to overcome.

I have planned out my meals for the week, well, actually for my husband and son.  I am going to try and have some Lean Cuisine on days I cook special food for them like chorizo burritos and cheese, potato, beef casserole.  I will just feel better being in control of my eating that way.

So, despite the fact that tomorrow morning the scale will not be happy to see me I am still very optomistic.

Have a great week my dear friends!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

55 down

Hey there, Hi there, Ho Ho Ho there.  lol

Yesterday was my weigh in day and I lost 3 pounds this last week.  Best loss in a long time.  Last monday was the first time I came away from a weekend with a loss instead of a gain.  I am not quite so hopeful this Monday cause I have already eaten more than usual today AND my mom is making sugar cookies!!!!!  I have had 2 and I am going to try my hardest to not have anymore but man oh man it is soooooo difficult.

I also have to say that I had a bad stuck incident.  A day or two after thanksgiving I was eating some tri tip and I ate too fast and ended up kneeled down over toilet.  It was not fun at all.  I had another incident but not as bad as this one.  I guess that means my band is about right huh.

I am starting to get comments on my appearance, usually at church when I am dressed up.  Here is a pic of me last sunday.

I did feel pretty good that day.

Oh my gosh.......... I have to tell you what just happened.  Here I am sitting in my room and my mom comes in holding a plate and looks at me and says "Sweety.....You have lost 55 pounds and I just want to tell you how proud I am of you."  and she proceeds to tilt the plate and show me a huge sugar cookie heart she baked for me.  OHH MY GOSH.  I smiled and said thank you.  Am I the only one who thinks this is totally twisted?  My husand comes out of the bathroom and looks at the cookie.  I told him what she said and he said "here, I will take it"  and I said no, i wouldnt want to hurt her feelings so he offered to eat half.  Here it is

I managed to consume 1/3 of it before my son saved me from myself.
Every day is a struggle to make the right decisions.  I will have to make up for the ones I made today.  I know that and I will have to live with that.  I can and will and I am not going to beat myself up for it.

Have a good one people!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.  Ours was nice.  We had it here at our house.  I tried a few recipes I had found and they were a hit.  I was very happy with my eating but it was strange that my stomach kind of hurt after I ate.  Hard to explain.  It wasn't like anything got stuck but I just felt an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.  It went away after about a half hour or so.

Today is a different story.  Today is Black Friday but I will have no part in that (except online) cause I really hate shopping with tons of people around and then to have the madness that ensues is ugly so, no thank you.  So, what have I dont today?  Well, not a lot.  I have watched movies, fb'd and even took a nap. Oh wait wait, I have also eaten.  I am not happy about my choices today or I should say my serving sizes.  I always regret it later, just wish I could control myself at the time.  I seriously need to learn control.

I gained a pound also, no big deal.  Probably another one today but I will get it under control.  I just need to get back to work.  Being home is a killer for me.  As much as I want to have a few days off, the idle time at home usually ends in overeating.  I know I know, keep busy but I dont really feel like doing anything.  I wish I felt like quilting but I really dont.

I have had some people compliment me on my weight loss so that is real nice.  Oh, and I fit into some size 20 jeans that i had put away when I moved on to 22's.  I kinda need to go through my clothes again but i dont feel like ive changed THAT much yet.  Maybe in another 10-20 pounds. 
Peace out

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Life happens!

I dont want to feel guilty for not posting but it's hard.  Same ol stupid story: wish i would post daily so I could record my struggles or accomplishments but nooooo life happens and time goes by.

Last Wednesday I had my appointment and got a fill.  It was an interesting appointment.  The doctor asked me if I would be willing to talk to a couple in the next room.  He felt that my experience would be helpful.  I told him that i have struggled and am trying to learn from my mistakes but if I wanted the easy way I shouldve gotten the bypass.  I told him that I am still able to eat alot of food and the only time I have an issue is when I eat too fast or something too dry (only happened a few times).  I was given another fill and told to do 2 days clear, 2 days creamy liquids and then soft for 2 days.  I have stuck to that (basically) lol

My fear is the coming holiday.  Food is in abundance and I am scared.  I pray this fill will help control my behavior.

The weather is getting colder too and this makes me want to bake.   Tonight I experimented and made some Nutter Butter Balls.  I was at the Dollor store and they had a bag of nutter butter crumbs so I got the idea.  I gave my son and his friend one and will send the few more that I made with my husband to work.  Ok, i had one :)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

scale whore, moods and dreaded holidays

I have failed so often since my surgery to keep my blog updated with my day to day life and the struggles with my diet.  Here it is Wednesday and I'm blogging.........seems like a miracle.  I usually only get on to weigh-in.

Sunday evening something very interesting happened.  My husband and I were at a book study at our church.  There were only a few people there so it was nice and intimate.  Somehow a friend (not real close) and I got to talking about our mothers.  We talked about how we as mothers love our children but they wont love us the same and so forth.  I shared how I have a really hard time showing my mother love.  I do love her, she is an amazing woman but its just weird.  I dont know if its cause we live together or what.  It was amazing cause this friend and I really understood eachother.  I guess you had to be there.

So this weekend was ok but my eating was not great.  Damn you McDonalds for bringing McRib back!

So here I go again, playing make-up with my diet....trying to undue what I did for the weekend.  Will I ever learn?  Umm, I thought I had.....umm no.  I was up 2.5 pounds on Monday.  I lost 1.5 yesterday so as of this morning I only had one pound to lose to be back to my low which was 233.........50 pounds down!  Ugh, how aweful to put myself through this. 

Today I had new determination.  I challenged myself to not snack on junk, and you know there is plenty of candy around right now.  In fact, my 1st client today was throwing away some candy and I decided to take it and give it to my son (he didnt go trick-or-treating) so I bagged it and put it in the back of my car.  I was so proud of myself when I was able to give him the candy and announce that I had not eaten any.  YaY!

My mom made this casserole but I did not have any, which she understood.  It consisted of ground beef, potatoes, lots of cheese and mushroom soup.  I opted for a salad with a chicken patty chopped up on top.  For lunch I had a lean cuisine and breakfast some steel cut oatmeal.  Oh and I did have some celery sticks with about a tbsp of reduced fat peanut butter.

I am also going to concentrate on upping my water intake.  I know this will help.

Another thing, back to my mom...... Every morning I have been weighing myself cause I really need to know when I am doing good and when I am not.  This is how I rationalize being a scale whore.  But I do have to say that it often determines my moods and THAT I do not like.  Why is it that when my mom says Good Morning to me I just grunt?  Is it cause I just need to be left alone while I try and wake up or am I taking my grumpiness, due to scale, out on her?  I mentioned that on Sunday night.  Why do I always seem like I am in a bad mood?  Why do I take it out on her?  I dont want to be that kind of person.

It isnt nice when a mirror has been put to your face and you realize you dont like what you see.  This happened recently with a banded friend and I know I ruined our relationship.  I overstepped my bounderies.  This time it is me who has shined a mirror on myself.  I dont often like what I see.  And please understand I am not talking about my outer looks.  I have to tackle one aspect at a time and improve it.  It isnt easy but I have too.  I want to be a better person, a better friend, better wife, mom and daughter.

Ok, on to one last issue.  I am terrified of the holidays.  Food scares me already.  I better start praying now.  I will talk more about this in another post.......this one is long enough. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

50 Pounds and 100 blog posts

I lost that 1/2 pound to finally get me to 50 pounds down. Yay!  Now today I have to say has not been a good day as far as my eating is concerned.  I was off and decided I was not going anywhere all day.  Only thing I really did was unpack some winter clothes and washed them.  Besides that I spend the day chilling, playing on FB and watching tv........and ohhhhhh yes eating.  I dont feel real good, sluggish and bloated.  I didn't weigh this morning and I am not going to weigh in tomorrow.  I will weigh in on Monday and assess the damages.  I know I can get back on track. 

I also noticed I hit 100 blog post (last one)!  That seems pretty cool.  I would like to go back and read it but it seems like I have not time.  I'm sure I do I just dont manage my time very well when I am at home.

Every once in a while I see a thing on dashboard that mentiones getting your blog published.  Has anyone you know done that?  Just wondering.

I hate that I have resorted to once a week blogging.  I know there are issues I should try to deal with during my week but as I mentioned before.........time is not there.

Enjoy your weekend people!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Amazing week

Last week sucked because I had to work so hard at losing the few pounds I had gained over the weekend.  When I approached this week I was determined not to make the same mistake.  By Monday morning I was down a pound so I did great over the weekend.  This week has been an exhausting one.  I have one more house to clean today which will make 8 for the week.  Today's house is huge and it will take me 6-7 hours.  I am shooting for 6 but its usually 7.

What I am totally learning from having the Band is that it is still really hard work.  If you want an easy way to lose weight go for the bypass.  I still have to pick my food very carefully, eat slow (still a problem) and only serve myself a small portion (yes, I can eat alot).  I know the band is there and working cause i have had a few stuck moments that are very uncomfortable.  It happened when I ate something too fast or didnt chew well enough.

But I have to say that the thing that has helped me the most this week is not snacking in between meals.  So simple but so profound!  I am down 5.5 pounds this week.  Yes, it is true lol but i have to say that it has taken soooo much willpower.  Like last night I made chili size (hamburgers open faced with chili on top) but no I did not have that.  I just had a small bowl of chili.  For lunch i had a smart ones meal and breakfast was some steel cut oatmeal.  Oh and I did have a banana in between breakfast and lunch.

So as of today I am down 49.5 pounds! UUUHHHHMAZING.  I wish it was .5 more so I could shout 50 down 50 down! but i will wait lol

Have a fabulous weekend friends!