Now that my tears have dried.....

Today was an incredibly hard day for me to handle and I will explain why.  Let me go back a few days.  Remember when I mentioned that my mom was back in the hospital and I was waiting for a call.  Well, they did admit her.  She just couldn't walk more than a few steps without having to stop and catch her breath.  Well, on Thursday while I was cleaning a house she calls me and has me talk to the dr.  The Dr. told me he wanted to send her to San Diego to a long-term care facility.  He said she is in and out of hospital too much and she needs more care than they or I can give her.  The hospital they wanted to send her specializes in Pulmonary issues as well as other things.  They planned on sending her the next day (friday).  My mom was not real happy and just not sure of it.  I convinced her that she was going away like the contestants from Biggest loser do to get healthy.  So last night she was taken by ambulance to this new hospital.

This morning she called me sobbing and asking me to come get her and that she didnt want to stay there.  I tried calming her and asked her what did they do.  She said nothing its just she wasnt comfortable and didnt like the atmosphere.  The Dr. came in and i stayed on phone while he talked with her.  He asked her why she was crying and explained to her that she wasnt forced to stay and he wanted to help her but only if she wants the help.  When I got off the phone I called my brother and told him to call her.  I also called her sister and left a message for her.  Meanwhile I was crying cause I am 2 hours away and not sure what to do.  I called the hospital and talked with the nursing supervisor and asked him (ugh) to visit her and try and make her feel more welcome.

I went of Facebook and shouted out for prayers and texted a few people to pray also.  One friend from church texted me back and asked me if I had told our new pastor.  I asked her to tell him cause I couldn't talk.  She said she would.  My brother and aunt both talked to my mom.  The pastor ended up calling me and of course my voice was horrible but I am so glad he called.  He is such a great guy.  He even said he would go visit her this week.  He visited her on Easter when she was in Hospital and that was his first day preaching at our church AND a holiday........shows how great he is.  He had even asked my son to read the scripture for tomorrow.....soo cool.
So the friend that I texted invited me and my son and his friends that were staying over out to a nearby lake to go tubing.  My son of course wanted to go.  I didn't but I am glad I did, it got my mind off of things for a while.

When I got home I tried calling my mom again (tried calling her cell earlier and she wouldnt answer) so I called the hospitals line and no answer.  I ended up talking to a nurse and she sounded nice and she said my mom was sleeping and yes she had talked to my mom earlier cause she didnt like her patients to cry.  I thanked her very much and appreciated her efforts.  I laid it on thick cause I know sometimes people need to hear that and it does improve their attitude.  Hers was fine but anyways.

I called her again a few hours ago and she sounded much better.  She said she finally got some pain medication and I guess that is why she slept through the phone rings.  She sounded a lot better, not completely comfortable yet but much better.  Apparently she felt like she was being sent to a Luny Bin.

If you made it this far, I thank you.  I don't want to apologize for venting cause mostly this blog is for me but thanks anyway for listening.  I did not overeat anything today but last night after I came home from hospital I did have a cup o noodles and some wine.  I am still swollen from the sodium but I am not one bit sorry for eating that.  In fact I bought two and the other one is calling my name.  I have plenty of time to flush my system before my weigh-in.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day so Mothers, have a great day!

Weigh-In Wednesday

I have lost a half pound (.5).  Not bad considering I was up a few days ago by a lot.  I will take it and be happy.  I know my body can't continue to lose 2-3 pounds EVERY single week (without the band).  I am not that strong.  I had a bit of a hard time yesterday because I was off and I tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about food.  I did have to go to my drs for an ekg and also my gyno for a pap.  Yeah, I am so excited to say that I have all my tests scheduled.  Next week I will be getting the upper gi and gall bladder test.  Only think is my psych appt.  On the phone he told me it will be 3 visits.  My husband loves to tease me about that.  I guess he thinks I am crazy and that he will want to continue to see me for like a year.  Anyways.  So I am down 21 pounds so far.  Great start.

In case you haven't noticed I changed my Blog title from Tanya's Lap Band Journey (hasn't officially started yet)  to just the Journey part.  I have started so that is super cool.

Well, I better head off to work.  I got two (4 hr) jobs to do today.  Have a great day.

Monday morning wake up

This morning I just had to do it.  I got on the scale.  I knew it would not be good seeing is how I ate some chips the night before.  I tend to retain water very easy apparently.  I was up 6 pounds!  Crazy!  So today I was very diligent.  I had a protein smoothy for breakfast and some coffee, a smart ones meal and special k crackers for lunch and even though I told myself in the morning that I wasnt going to eat what I was planning on making for dinner I did, but not much.  I made enchilada casserole and spinach salad.  I really didnt eat too much.  But right now 10:30 at night I am thinking about food....bad!  I took my mom to the ER about 8:00 and am waiting for a call to tell me they are keeping her or I have to pick her up.  This might sound strange but this is our routine.  My husband just got home and ate the last of the casserole so at least that wont tempt me but when he was eating that was when I started thinking about what I could eat.  It is going to take a lot of willpower for me NOT to eat anything tonight

As I have mentioned before the weekends are usually tough and monday and tuesday is when I kick butt and get back into gear.  I don't know about 6 pounds though, seems like a lot to lose.  I hope it was mostly water but seriously, I dont know.
(pause)
I had to get a load out of dryer.
Well, I made my way to kitchen and got a low-fat string cheese.  I'm thinking that I probably didn't get enough protein in today.  I was a short on my smoothy and I didnt have a protein bar like I usually do for lunch.  I really feel the difference.  I dont usually want to snack so bad at night (anymore) but tonight uughh.  I will fight it.  After this cheese I will drink a bunch of water and lay down.

I will be back to report on Wednesday what my weight it.

Oh and I finally have a psych appt. woo hoo

Weigh-In Wednesday

I am very suprised at my weight loss this week.  Not that I have totally screwed up but wasn't expecting TO LOSE 2.5 POUNDS this week!  Wow.......yes, I am very happy.  That makes me down 20 pounds!  Now that feels good.

This biggest problem I have right now is that I don't have any meals planned out.  I usually have meals from e-mealz.com or other healthy recipes all planned out and shopping done for them but things have been rather hectic the last few days.  My mom has been in the hospital and my husband has started working mid-shift/nights so things are not normal.  I havent made my shopping list and I totally hate going without a list cause you know what happens.  100 dollars worth of food = 2 meals.........yeah, not good.  So I havent done the shopping.

I seriously need to sit down tonight and plan our meals.  I have to go to Poway tomorrow for appt so I will be gone for at least 5 hours.  Another crock pot meal probably.

Take care friends

Two more days till weigh-in, come on!

I have noticed something the last 3 days.  I am getting full faster than normal.  As soon as I realize this I push my plate away but on a couple of occasions I didn't notice until I felt too full.  Of course this weekend we had Easter so there was food.  Our church had a pot luck lunch which was of course full of great stuff and tons of desserts.  I am feeling like between the last two days I ate a bit too much but then again, I am really not eating like I used to. 

I have noticed that I do tend to go up in weight on the weekend and then on Monday and tuesday I redeem myself.  I know I cant keep having these great weight loss weeks.  I am bound to have a gain or nothing.  I just hope when I do that I wont get discouraged.  I guess it will be the same when I get the band in.  I really shouldn't weigh myself in between but you know how it is when you are curious.

I hope everyone's week has started off great and full of healthy thoughts and food.  :)

Hello out there!

Wow, I just noticed my followers jumped from 36 to 42 like over night!  I don't deserve your attention but I do appreciate it.  I love to get feedback.  I guess we all do.

I have been doing really well lately with my weight loss as I have mentioned before and I will just give you a sample of my day so you can see why.  I am of course not saying I am doing this right but this is just what has been happening.

Woke up at 7am and made myself a coffee with 3 splenda and creamer (non-flavored), keep in mind I put this in a large travel mug.  I also made a protein shake with 1/2 banana to drink on the way to my cleaning job.  That was breakfast.  For lunch I just ate a colossal protein bar and drank a sierra mist (only thing available).  On the way home I stopped and grabbed a Rockstar Recovery and downed that  :)  I knew I had to still make dinner and do whatever at home.  Tonight I just grilled up some chicken patties for burgers.  That was it.  Sometimes I prepare ahead and have something in the crockpot but i wasn't real prepared today.  I had a small glass of wine as I soaked in my jacuzzi tub and then finished off a 1/2 atkins bar that i started last night.  So, yes, I am not eating much these days.  I have been super busy and just have no time. 

It is kinda weird to not be obsessed with food all the time.  I used to wake up thinking about what I was going to eat for the day, wondering when and where I would eat my next meal.........all that sort.  I am sure many are familiar with that.

I am glad that I am so busy but trying to squeeze in my dr appts are going to be a challenge.  Also, when it comes time for surgery I am going to have to do some slick talking.  I dont have anyone that will do my job for me while I am down so I am just going to have to talk with my clients and hopefully they will all understand.  I believe they will.  I have really great clients, many are from my church or family of church members.  Only a couple aren't.

I really want to get on with it so I can get a few more clients.  I need to make a bit more money to help cover our bills.

I have also decided that since I have been doing so well with my eating, that the Band is for me.  The bypass is more drastic and I don't believe necessary for me.  I was also concerned about the fills being covered by my insurance but I was told they are.

So now I just need to make these appointments and get going.  I am trying to get a psych eval scheduled but cant seem to contact a dr.  One place I called wanted to charge me $165 at that visit, the girl said they wont charge insurance for that.  hmmm sounds wrong to me.  What did you all pay? 

Ok, I have blabbed enough for tonight.  Thank you for listening to me.  I am grateful for my new followers and I will get around to following you as soon as I can.

Have a fabulous weekend and stay healthy!

Weigh-In Wednesday

I just have a minute, gotta rush out the door but I had to announce that I have lost 1.5 this week.  Thank you, thank you  lol

Yesterday was probably the kicker cause I hardly ate and worked pretty hard.  Our new pastor arrived and we helped unload the Uhaul AND he is moving into a two-story sooo there were stairs.

Ok, friends, gotta run.  I will post more later.  Toodles!