Excited and frusterated at same time

Why, you may be asking.  Well, last weekend I overate and gained 5 pounds, yes 5 frickin pounds.  So all this week I have been making up for it and as of this morning I have lost 4.5 of that.  Wow, yes, that is pretty good but imagine if I hadn't gained all that how much I would be down.  Lesson (I better frickin) learn. 



So, as I am coming up to a weekend we shall see how much I have actually learned :)

Just realized that this is my 100th blog entry!  Wow
Have a great day friends!

Bad Week

So I made it to the gym once this week.......not good.  Boy it really helped when my son was going to practice.  He started wrestling this week, well, one practice so that is when I went.  Last night he could have gone but he had lots of homework.  I also got a call from the councelor's office.  His Spanish teacher wants a conference.  Yes I am not thrilled.  My son's grades are not very good right now.  He has a terrible time being organized and lost his binder for Spanish and really hates that class so I know he kinda gave up.  Well, I talked and talked and talked with him.  Sometimes I feel like I am turning blue from trying to figure out how to motivate him.  I told him he has 2 weeks to improve his grades or wrestling is out.  I hope that works.

So besides no regular gym visits and a bit too much snacking I am up 1.5 pounds.  My mom's mom (oma) passed away on tuesday too.  I know my mom is not looking forward to weighing in.  I feel bad for her.  I know that when I am home all day all I want to do is snack and she is home all the time.  She has been making beanies and scarfs though.  I hope she doesnt get tired of making them.  I like to buy her yarn.  I like that she is getting into something.

I wish I had more time but I got to get my son up.  I will have to drive him to school again cause he missed the bus.  I let him sleep.  He has been staying up too late this week.  Next week will be different.

Have a great weekend friends!

weigh-in

I lost 1.5 pounds this week bringing my total to 46.  Hitting 50 down will be pretty awesome, cant wait for that.

I still struggle with the emotional part of losing weight.  I think I want to eat when I know my body doesn't really want it.  I have to force myself to NOT eat something when I wanna.  I pray this will get easier.  I dont want to feel this compulsion.  I dont want to feel like I have no power.  My mom and husband say Im doing a great job but I have to tell them how I struggle and how it isnt easy.  I wonder if they wonder about how much this surgery has actually helped me.  I guess I am still figuring that out.  I have never been real in-tune with my body so it can be hard to tell.  It would probably be a great idea if I started writing down how I feel after a meal and then how I feel a few hours later and so on.

This weekend has already had its share of challenges.  My Oma (my mom's mom) had a stroke and they cant perform surgery so she only had a day or two.  This afternoon my mom was on the phone trying to talk with her and I am in the office and I can hear her telling her mom in German how much she loves her and crying.  It was heart wrenching.  So anyways, trying not to run to food for comfort.

My son also quit football and that totally sucks.  I was really enjoying watching him practice and going to the games (even tho they were bad) and also, it forced me to hit the gym between dropping him off and end of practice since we live a few miles outside of town.  It was real incentive for me and well, I havent been to gym since wednesday.

I will find my rhythym and be set.  But also my husband will be back on mornings so I guess we will see how it goes.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend friends and make wise choices. :)

2 Months Post Op

Wow, Ok guess I shouldve straightened up before the pic huh?  J/k.  I was actually sorting some laundry to do.  lol   I dont particularly like the side of me that makes excuses for something good instead of just embracing it but in this picture I am wearing workout clothes (that I dont work out in, rather I sleep in on occasion) and these shorts are slimming so there is a bulge her and there.  Ugh!  Ok, well its not like I was wearing spanx but you understand.  I have appeared to have lost more inches than actual pounds and that is fine with me.  I know that is more important and actually us as women lose more inches due to all the fat. ugh   So below is the picture the night before surgery and todays pic.  It might be hard to tell due to location but if you see a difference please tell me.  I would love to hear that. (dont we all)

The shorts in the first pic are not the same, rather my husbands lounge shorts with pockets.

Im thinking I should wear the black workout shorts under all my clothes in lieu of spanx, they are much more comfortable.  lol

I think I might go make some more pics with the same clothes and same place and then we will see the difference.  I have some pics from when I first started losing and that would be even more noticable.  I still have so much to lose but I know I am on the way.

Yesterday a client made my day when he said I looked great.  He hadnt seen me in 2 months and said he really notices the difference.  That was so great to hear and really helped me the rest of the day to watch my self.  Everyday is a struggle especially when I am home.  All I want to do is eat.  Ugh, hate that.  :(

Weigh-in

Yesterday was my weigh-in day.  I lost 1.5 pounds!  I kinda feel like I cheated though cause I got on the scale several times.  The first time I was only down .5 and then I waited a few minutes, tinkled a little more and then I was down 1.5, I have no idea why the big change.  Maybe my tile floor.....I dont know.  So I took the 1.5 and saved that!  Oh and I actually did it again to be sure and yes, it was the same.

I only made it to the gym 2 days this week cause I pulled a muscle on my job tuesday.  The back of my leg up to my butt on the right was killing me.  I actually woke up in agony tue night.  Luckily I had a heating pad and that was the only thing that helped.  I had my mom put some ben-gay on my leg but she rubbed it in to much I guess cause it burned soooo bad.  But now I am back to normal and will be ready to hit the gym again on Monday.

My mom will not be making the cinnamon rolls this weekend.  For one, she is not feeling real well and two I am the one that does the shopping and I didnt buy any yeast.  Yes, she was going to make them from scratch.  I am relieved.  I have mentioned in the past and realize once more that I cant have those things around (in abundance) or I will be in trouble.  Remember the cake she made last weekend.......well, I even found myself getting a spoon and getting some batter from the bowl AFTER the cake was made and I had a piece or two.  Yes, I have issues and I know I need to work on them.

I have also learned that MY issues with food are not necessarily others peoples issues with food.  There is a lot of food policing going on in my house especially with my mom (my husband is real bad) and I have in turn done the same to a dear friend and inadvertedly made her feel bad.  I am grateful she told me otherwise I would continue my bad behavior and comments and perhaps ruining our relationship.  It isnt always nice when someone holds a mirror to your face but it will make you a better person.  I feel horrible for causing her any pain and I apologized.  I love you dear friend and am very proud of you.

Have a great weekend friends!

Houston, we have a problem!

Weekend started off really well.  I cleaned up my closet (its a walk-in) on Friday night, yeah, im wild like that.  Saturday morning I managed to cut grass in yard in a part that was outgrowing the rest due to laundry water run-off.  I kind of gave up after that cause I really didn't want to do much on my day off.  I did have to make a run to Costco for a few items THEN I was done.  I took a nap and in the evening planned on watching a movie with family.  Unfortunately my son's friend hadn't left yet and so it was just me, husband and my mom watching it. 

So are you wondering where the frustration came from.  During the movie my mom went to kitchen and I seen her mixing something (kitchen and livingroom are open design) and so I asked her what she was doing.  We already had plenty for dinner!  My husband got up and said "She is making a cake".  "But, no frosting" she says (yeah just sprinkled heavily with powdered sugar)  Hmm... so IM THINKING UGGHHH but oh yeah, cake! Within the next 15 hours I proceeded to eat between 3-4 pieces.  But before the night was over she even apologized for making the cake.  She knows I have a problem.  So we move on to Sunday morning.  We are all in the car and going to church.  My mom says that every weekend she is going to bake something and next weekend it will be cinnamon rolls.  Oh boy.  First thing I think of is wow, something new to blog about.  But on the bright side I have one week to prepare myself.

What would you do to prepare for this challenge?

I have learned that I cant have thing around the house that I love.  If I buy chips it is a kind I dont care for and if I buy cookies (hardly ever) then I certainly dont buy the soft chewy chocolate chip kind.   I dont feel deprived if it isnt around.  But when something is around I am powerless.

Hopefully she will change her mind and not make them.  Ok, I better get going.

Good and Bad of Week and Weigh-In

It has been an amazing week, very tiring but not bad.  What I have managed to do all week is hit the gym while my son is at practice.  This has made me feel very good and proud of myself.  I also think it was made easier by the fact that my husband is working nights so he isnt home to tend to.  The only downside is that I have not cooked dinner all week which means my mom does.  My doctor pointed something out to me and I guess I should be ashamed.  I told my doctor that my mom was cooking and one particular night she made chicken and dumplings and I probably didnt sound too thrilled about it.  She said to me "Be thankful that you have someone to cook for you and make chicken and dumplings, you can just have less"  Ok, so yes, this was kinda like a slap in the face.  I guess when I look at food and I see something that I know to be bad for me (not necessarily the C&D) but I think more of quantity than quality.  For instance, I will be able to make dinner tonight and the first think I think of is what can I make that is healthy that I can have a lot of!  Wow, how terrible is that.  No wonder I almost hit 300!

I have got so much to learn about control.  I really hate being out of control.  

So the good:
1.  Made it to gym every day this week (and plan on going again today)
2.  I have LOST 2 pounds
3.  I get quiet alone time while husband works nights (dont tell him I said that)

The bad:
1.  Have not been home to cook wonderfully healthy dishes for family
2.  Have to decide if I want to eat my moms food (Man, I sound terrible huh)

So the Good outweighs the bad, that is all that matters.  I am so glad it is Friday.  As you can see my weigh-in was good.  Crazy thing about that is I was 242 every day this week EVEN YESTERDAY and seems the 11th hour strikes again, I dont know how I even gave into a little bowl of macaroni and cheese late last night!  crazy but I will take it.  My mom on the other hand has gained 3 pounds.  I told her to figure out her mistake and learn from it.  She said "no more shakes"  No, she wasnt having real shakes but more like a smoothy.  She has been addicted to these smoothys lately and when she makes one it is huge so she said no more.  I tried to tell her to just make a small glass to get the taste but she said no, no more.  Hmm, guess I know where I get that attitude from.

Ok, I better head to work now, got one job today but it is a messy one.  I like this job though cause I can see how pretty I can make it.  Have a fabulous weekend!