I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Ours was nice. We had it here at our house. I tried a few recipes I had found and they were a hit. I was very happy with my eating but it was strange that my stomach kind of hurt after I ate. Hard to explain. It wasn't like anything got stuck but I just felt an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. It went away after about a half hour or so.
Today is a different story. Today is Black Friday but I will have no part in that (except online) cause I really hate shopping with tons of people around and then to have the madness that ensues is ugly so, no thank you. So, what have I dont today? Well, not a lot. I have watched movies, fb'd and even took a nap. Oh wait wait, I have also eaten. I am not happy about my choices today or I should say my serving sizes. I always regret it later, just wish I could control myself at the time. I seriously need to learn control.
I gained a pound also, no big deal. Probably another one today but I will get it under control. I just need to get back to work. Being home is a killer for me. As much as I want to have a few days off, the idle time at home usually ends in overeating. I know I know, keep busy but I dont really feel like doing anything. I wish I felt like quilting but I really dont.
I have had some people compliment me on my weight loss so that is real nice. Oh, and I fit into some size 20 jeans that i had put away when I moved on to 22's. I kinda need to go through my clothes again but i dont feel like ive changed THAT much yet. Maybe in another 10-20 pounds.
Peace out
My Progress
Friday, November 25, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Life happens!
I dont want to feel guilty for not posting but it's hard. Same ol stupid story: wish i would post daily so I could record my struggles or accomplishments but nooooo life happens and time goes by.
Last Wednesday I had my appointment and got a fill. It was an interesting appointment. The doctor asked me if I would be willing to talk to a couple in the next room. He felt that my experience would be helpful. I told him that i have struggled and am trying to learn from my mistakes but if I wanted the easy way I shouldve gotten the bypass. I told him that I am still able to eat alot of food and the only time I have an issue is when I eat too fast or something too dry (only happened a few times). I was given another fill and told to do 2 days clear, 2 days creamy liquids and then soft for 2 days. I have stuck to that (basically) lol
My fear is the coming holiday. Food is in abundance and I am scared. I pray this fill will help control my behavior.
The weather is getting colder too and this makes me want to bake. Tonight I experimented and made some Nutter Butter Balls. I was at the Dollor store and they had a bag of nutter butter crumbs so I got the idea. I gave my son and his friend one and will send the few more that I made with my husband to work. Ok, i had one :)
Last Wednesday I had my appointment and got a fill. It was an interesting appointment. The doctor asked me if I would be willing to talk to a couple in the next room. He felt that my experience would be helpful. I told him that i have struggled and am trying to learn from my mistakes but if I wanted the easy way I shouldve gotten the bypass. I told him that I am still able to eat alot of food and the only time I have an issue is when I eat too fast or something too dry (only happened a few times). I was given another fill and told to do 2 days clear, 2 days creamy liquids and then soft for 2 days. I have stuck to that (basically) lol
My fear is the coming holiday. Food is in abundance and I am scared. I pray this fill will help control my behavior.
The weather is getting colder too and this makes me want to bake. Tonight I experimented and made some Nutter Butter Balls. I was at the Dollor store and they had a bag of nutter butter crumbs so I got the idea. I gave my son and his friend one and will send the few more that I made with my husband to work. Ok, i had one :)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
scale whore, moods and dreaded holidays
I have failed so often since my surgery to keep my blog updated with my day to day life and the struggles with my diet. Here it is Wednesday and I'm blogging.........seems like a miracle. I usually only get on to weigh-in.
Sunday evening something very interesting happened. My husband and I were at a book study at our church. There were only a few people there so it was nice and intimate. Somehow a friend (not real close) and I got to talking about our mothers. We talked about how we as mothers love our children but they wont love us the same and so forth. I shared how I have a really hard time showing my mother love. I do love her, she is an amazing woman but its just weird. I dont know if its cause we live together or what. It was amazing cause this friend and I really understood eachother. I guess you had to be there.
So this weekend was ok but my eating was not great. Damn you McDonalds for bringing McRib back!
So here I go again, playing make-up with my diet....trying to undue what I did for the weekend. Will I ever learn? Umm, I thought I had.....umm no. I was up 2.5 pounds on Monday. I lost 1.5 yesterday so as of this morning I only had one pound to lose to be back to my low which was 233.........50 pounds down! Ugh, how aweful to put myself through this.
Today I had new determination. I challenged myself to not snack on junk, and you know there is plenty of candy around right now. In fact, my 1st client today was throwing away some candy and I decided to take it and give it to my son (he didnt go trick-or-treating) so I bagged it and put it in the back of my car. I was so proud of myself when I was able to give him the candy and announce that I had not eaten any. YaY!
My mom made this casserole but I did not have any, which she understood. It consisted of ground beef, potatoes, lots of cheese and mushroom soup. I opted for a salad with a chicken patty chopped up on top. For lunch I had a lean cuisine and breakfast some steel cut oatmeal. Oh and I did have some celery sticks with about a tbsp of reduced fat peanut butter.
I am also going to concentrate on upping my water intake. I know this will help.
Another thing, back to my mom...... Every morning I have been weighing myself cause I really need to know when I am doing good and when I am not. This is how I rationalize being a scale whore. But I do have to say that it often determines my moods and THAT I do not like. Why is it that when my mom says Good Morning to me I just grunt? Is it cause I just need to be left alone while I try and wake up or am I taking my grumpiness, due to scale, out on her? I mentioned that on Sunday night. Why do I always seem like I am in a bad mood? Why do I take it out on her? I dont want to be that kind of person.
It isnt nice when a mirror has been put to your face and you realize you dont like what you see. This happened recently with a banded friend and I know I ruined our relationship. I overstepped my bounderies. This time it is me who has shined a mirror on myself. I dont often like what I see. And please understand I am not talking about my outer looks. I have to tackle one aspect at a time and improve it. It isnt easy but I have too. I want to be a better person, a better friend, better wife, mom and daughter.
Ok, on to one last issue. I am terrified of the holidays. Food scares me already. I better start praying now. I will talk more about this in another post.......this one is long enough.
Sunday evening something very interesting happened. My husband and I were at a book study at our church. There were only a few people there so it was nice and intimate. Somehow a friend (not real close) and I got to talking about our mothers. We talked about how we as mothers love our children but they wont love us the same and so forth. I shared how I have a really hard time showing my mother love. I do love her, she is an amazing woman but its just weird. I dont know if its cause we live together or what. It was amazing cause this friend and I really understood eachother. I guess you had to be there.
So this weekend was ok but my eating was not great. Damn you McDonalds for bringing McRib back!
So here I go again, playing make-up with my diet....trying to undue what I did for the weekend. Will I ever learn? Umm, I thought I had.....umm no. I was up 2.5 pounds on Monday. I lost 1.5 yesterday so as of this morning I only had one pound to lose to be back to my low which was 233.........50 pounds down! Ugh, how aweful to put myself through this.
Today I had new determination. I challenged myself to not snack on junk, and you know there is plenty of candy around right now. In fact, my 1st client today was throwing away some candy and I decided to take it and give it to my son (he didnt go trick-or-treating) so I bagged it and put it in the back of my car. I was so proud of myself when I was able to give him the candy and announce that I had not eaten any. YaY!
My mom made this casserole but I did not have any, which she understood. It consisted of ground beef, potatoes, lots of cheese and mushroom soup. I opted for a salad with a chicken patty chopped up on top. For lunch I had a lean cuisine and breakfast some steel cut oatmeal. Oh and I did have some celery sticks with about a tbsp of reduced fat peanut butter.
I am also going to concentrate on upping my water intake. I know this will help.
Another thing, back to my mom...... Every morning I have been weighing myself cause I really need to know when I am doing good and when I am not. This is how I rationalize being a scale whore. But I do have to say that it often determines my moods and THAT I do not like. Why is it that when my mom says Good Morning to me I just grunt? Is it cause I just need to be left alone while I try and wake up or am I taking my grumpiness, due to scale, out on her? I mentioned that on Sunday night. Why do I always seem like I am in a bad mood? Why do I take it out on her? I dont want to be that kind of person.
It isnt nice when a mirror has been put to your face and you realize you dont like what you see. This happened recently with a banded friend and I know I ruined our relationship. I overstepped my bounderies. This time it is me who has shined a mirror on myself. I dont often like what I see. And please understand I am not talking about my outer looks. I have to tackle one aspect at a time and improve it. It isnt easy but I have too. I want to be a better person, a better friend, better wife, mom and daughter.
Ok, on to one last issue. I am terrified of the holidays. Food scares me already. I better start praying now. I will talk more about this in another post.......this one is long enough.
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