So why am I so frustrated. I am waiting for the band to start my life; why am I doing that? I don't know! AAAARRRGGHH!
I have been eating crap, well tasty crap and making my body worse and worse. Last night as I lay in bed and prayed and cried to God for help I decided that I need to stop. I need to do something now.
One of the things that has gotten me down was realizing that I might very well have to do a 6 month doctor supervised diet. Do I know this for sure?? No, but I have a bad feeling that I will have too. This absolutely depresses me. I know you all have been through the waiting game and will say it will go by fast. I prayed that I may have patience. "Please God give me patience.......hurry" lol I fear God is trying to teach me a lesson. I hope I am totally wrong and in a month or so will be feeing stupid for venting like this. I am venting here cause I think my husband might get tired of me talking to him about getting banded. It really is my whole focus in life right now and I guess that is one mistake.
So, what I have decided to do is start my new life, my new eating life. (I don't want to say diet)
My first order of business is to eliminate my favorite candy bar. My mom buys them for me and I buy them for me..........I have to say goodbye and technically I did yesterday when I ate TWO!
I will have to find a sensible way to kill my sweet tooth. Any suggestions would be welcome. I'm thinking the 100 calorie packs.
I have avoided putting a ticker on my blog cause I wasn't sure what my starting weight will be. I guess that was my way of letting myself keep eating like I have. Well, if I keep this up I will be 300 pounds in no time. So I will work on getting one up (not sure how yet) but I want to announce that I am starting my new life at 283. I am absolutely ashamed of myself and cannot let myself get any worse. I am having chest pains as I write this. I have to treat my body better. Friends, I know I have not been banded and I dont have that to offer to you but I do need help. I do not have any close friends that I can lean on. I find inspiration from your blogs and dream of blogging my post band info.
So, this week my goal will be to not eat any junk and no drive thru. I will keep a protein bar in my purse so I wont have an excuse to do that. Just those two things are huge steps for me.
Oh, I do have some good to report. My goal last week was to get to gym 3 times and I did do that. I will keep that as an additional goal for this week.
Thank you so much for reading (if you are still doing so). I really needed to vent and get my goals out there. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend.