My Progress

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Pardon me while I vent...

I have a scream whelling up inside me but I have to remain calm.  I was on my way to the gym and I had to turn around...... Aaarrrghh!

Let me go back.  Yesterday, just as I was about to get ready to go to San Diego my mom is having an anxiety attack so this kind of puts a damper on my mood.  She took her Ativan and an extra already.  These aren't new to her or us so I reluctantly get ready and before I leave I go to her room and she says "go, I can always call an ambulance if I need to".  I tell my son, who stayed home sick to keep an eye on her and get some rest.  So we head out.  About an hour later we call my son and he says my father-in-law took her to the hospital with an asthma attack.  I tell my son to just relax and we will be home in like 5 hours.  So we go through the seminar, learned a few things, met the surgeon (I like him) and we leave.  While we are in the parking lot my hubby calls his dad and finds out that they are already taking her back home.  Usually ER trips take hours ya know.  He can hear my mom say "thanks for the ride" as she gets out.  My husband is frustrated and this leads me to be frustrated and when I am down I get very quiet.  Two hour drive and I probably say 10 words.  We got home about 10:30pm and I dont talk to my mom, just go to bed.  End of day.

This morning I get up and my mom says her anxiety just went away two hours ago.  So maybe my son was confused about reason she went to hospital- anxiety or asthma ??? Anyways, I get ready to head to the gym, say goodbye to hubby (he works 1-9) and I head off.  I am not 2 miles away when she calls me and in a very distressed voice asks me where I am and that she doesn't feel well at all.  I tell her I will turn around.  I get here and she is having anxiety so I reach for her Ativan.  I grab three 3mg and put into her mouth, she grabs them and says Im not going to take that many, I will die, you cant do that.  Imagine a very hysterical, distressed voice.  Ok, so does she think I was trying to kill her?  I told her she has been given that much in the hospital, yes, through the course of a few hours but still.  She was given a prescription for Ativan 2mg before to take when she gets an attack.  Nothing I say helps.  So she takes one.  I tell her she needs to talk to her doctor and maybe get something stronger.  I say Valium.  I wish I had a medicine to just knock her out but she takes Vicodin or Percoset, whichever the insurance will pay for.

This incident just happened and even before I got here I prayed for patience.  She seriously thinks there is something wrong with her heart.  She just said "there has to be a plugged valve".  They have tested and tested her heart over and over and it is fine.

OOOps gotta go, she insists on going to the ER....


  1. Wow, it sounds like your mom is a real piece of work. It seems like any time you want to leave the house she goes insane. :(

  2. Oh Tonya! How hard this must be for you and your family. I'm sorry! It isn't fair that you have to be the grown up, taking care of her.

    I have had anxiety attacks myself and they do feel like a heart-related incident. It is a real, physiological thing - not just in her mind, but that doesn't make it easier for you, I'm sure. Also it does sound like she isn't doing what she needs to do to prevent them from becoming worse.

  3. She needs to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist. Everyone with panic disorder thinks they have a heart problem :) The first part of therapy is education until the patient really knows it is just anxiety and not a heart attack.

    Hugs to you. It is scary to have panic attacks, but it is also super frustrating to have to arrange your life around them when you don't have them.